My First Castle…….

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Medieval Wales
I sit here looking at my very first castle in all its ruined glory….. Thinking of how many hours we spent watching Escape to the Country, both dreaming we’d see it first together….. Hand in hand imagining we were really back in the 15th century. The UK is everything we’d dreamed of and more….. The architecture is magnificent, and even the shops like “Starbucks” have the honour of sitting within 500 year old walls. Paula and I stayed in a 17th century farmhouse last night, on the third floor of an old dairy farm complete with roll top bath and enormous exposed beams….. It was screaming romance, and all I could think of was you. I wanted to snuggle in that tiny bed in your arms talking excitedly like we did when we had a common love for something…… The countryside and beautiful old buildings was our thing…… And I had to try and enjoy it without the reason I got up in the mornings until 23 months ago when you were taken from us all. I have loved this trip in so many ways, with the perfect travel companion and the opportunity already to see some places I’d only dreamed existed…. I am so grateful to all of my family and friends who have helped pull an impossible task together, and I will never regret coming….. But I feel like by coming and doing that one thing we promised each other we’d do in our retirement… It’s like letting you go. And I can’t. Every time I do “another” thing that was meant to be done with you, I feel like another piece of my insides die a slow and painful but quiet death. I can’t talk about you like this anymore….. I have to only say positive and funny memories of you out loud because I would burst into tears every time if I didn’t…… And when I cry for you the noises that come are from the depths of my deepest despair and no one should ever have to witness this. This beautiful, eery, magnificent place is everything we thought it would be, and more…. and I just wish you could enjoy it by my side….. Not in my mind. Miss you babe. Xxxx


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